Trusting
I'm learning that trusting God is different then I initially thought it was going to be like. When I use to think about trusting someone, I thought it meant that you weren't going to be nervous about what you were trusting them with. I thought that it meant you would go through your day with no anxiety about the situation and life would be like normal. I thought it'd be like, "Hey so what if this situation is scary, who cares? I trust so and so...no worries here." However that's not what I think really trusting someone is. At least for me that's not what it is like. To me trusting God has been me saying, "Ok God, look I'm really scared. This situation is one of the most important things in my life to me, and I don't know how its going to turn out. However, even though I'm really scared right now, I'm choosing to trust you and believe that no matter what happens, you're going to carry me through it." I really think that truely trusting someone doesn't mean that you're never scared about the situation, it doesn't mean that you just don't care what happens because "hey I'll be fine", but it's choosing to believe that even though it might hurt, even though you're scared, you're trusting the other person to help you. God never said that life was going to be easy, or that relationships were going to be easy. To me anyone worth loving is worth fighting for even when things get hard. Even Jesus was scared about getting crucified, but he just trusted God to take care of Him. I'm sure that Paul was scared plenty of times in his life, but he trusted God despite the fact that he was scared. I don't think that God ever said, trust me and don't be scared, but I think He wants me to trust Him even when I'm scared. I always hear people say that we're suppose to go to God with everything. Well I guess that means we're suppose to go to God even when we are scared, and then trust Him that He's gonna take care of me no matter the outcome. Because of who I am, and some things that I've gone through in my life, trusting people has always been a scary thing for me. Even just trusting Michael with my heart was scary. I guess I never thought about it, but in a way when we started dating I basically said, "Here's my heart, and I'm a little scared to let you have it, but I'm going to trust you with it anyway." I definitely don't regret trusting him with it. When Erika and I started becoming best friends, and even since then, there have been times when I've told her things, and even though I've been scared to see how she was gonna feel about what I was saying I trusted her with it anyway because I know that she loves me too, and I don't regret doing that either. That's where I'm at with God right now. I know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves me. And it's because of that love that I know that I can trust Him. I'm still scared about how this is all going to turn out in the end, and I know that it might be really hard. But I also know that no matter what, my Jesus is going to be here for me, holding me through all of it. And if my heart gets broken, He's gonna be there to pick the pieces back up and dry my tears. If my heart doesn't get broken, then He's gonna be there holding me and smiling with me. I guess that's what really trusting God is all about, knowing that no matter what happens, God will be there holding me close, helping me through any circumstance...good or bad. There's some real security in that. I don't believe that just because something is God's will, that it's for sure going to happen. People get in the way of God's plan all the time, but I do believe that even when we get in His way, He's always there to help us back up, and catch us when we fall. And that is what I'm trusting Him to do for me now.

Rolling with the Punches
Life is definitely not something that you can plan out. Sometimes things happen that you weren't expecting or that you don't like. I know we all have those stupid curve balls in our lives that we wish weren't there. That pretty much seems to be the theme in my life lately. However I'm discovering that when life happens, you have two options. Either sit there crying, wallowing in selfpity like some dreadful whelp. Or you can take it to God and see what He has to say about the situation, you can go cry in His arms and ask Him for help. I've tried dealing with my curve balls both ways, and I've discovered that the latter works much better. As of yesterday some pretty devestating things are going on in my life right now. They have the potential to turn out ok, but it's been pretty unnerving and scary. At first I just cried about everything, but then I decided that crying about it wasn't going to fix the situation, and that only God can really fix it. Only He can breathe life back into this situation. So I've done a lot of praying, and worship (I've been listening to worship music all day at work.) and I've been really searching God's heart about this situation. I'm still a little scared about all of it, and I don't know how it's going to turn out. But as my best friend always says "I know that I know that everything will end up ok." It's very true, God will take care of me, and He's already been doing some major heart changes in me which is pretty cool. So yeah, if I can just get it through my head that God's is much better at fixing my problems then I am, my life is going to be much better, calmer, and happier. I'm already feeling better about this situation, not nessessarily confident of the outcome, but definitely confident that God is going to keep me ok.